#BlogElul 2: Act

Back in 2001/2002, right after I came back to California from Texas I was struggling with my Bi-Polar and ended up in the Hospital twice.  Neither of these were full hospitalizations, it was more like Adult Day Care for crazy people.  We would check in at 8:30, we did arts and crafts, got lunch, did meditation and had story, sorry learning time, and then we went home.

It was actually very good, St Joseph’s used Dialectic Behavior Therapy, which is designed for people with Borderline Personality Disorder, but as a variant of behavior modification is very good for a lot of different people.   

There are two things from then that have really stuck with me.  The first was that moods tend to feed themselves.  When you are depressed every fiber in you works to keep you depressed, and when you are manic you want nothing that might slow you down.  To counter this, you have to act as if you weren’t. 

When you are depressed; get up, get dressed, eat breakfast, get out of the house.  Act as you would if you weren’t depressed.  It may not work, but the more things you do to act not depressed, the better chance you have to get past the depression. 

Acting not manic is a little harder.  The big one there, for me, is when people tell me that they see me getting manic to take time to stop and breath.  A good friend used to tell me to, “take ten” when I get frantic.  I would go and sit and concentrate on just breathing for 10 minutes.  That is not one that is easy for me to do, but it helps break the runaway manic.

 There are times when I question everything; I think we all have those times.  When people tell me, "Just have faith," that tends to annoy me.  However, when someone tells me, "Try and see doing it makes the feeling follow," that feels more natural to me.